Our Irregular Dispatch From French Life
This isn't your average newsletter. It’s the honest, occasionally ridiculous, behind-the-scenes look at what it's really like for two Americans and a Golden Retriever to move to France. Whether you’re a daydreamer, a planner, or already knee-deep in French paperwork, this is the one email you’ll actually look forward to.
I Think It’s the Railroad Tracks
The car ran smoothly the rest of the drive, no warning lights, no drama, as if to say everything was fine and I had overreacted.
Should You Ship Your Car to France?
The gendarme pulled me over. As I handed him my license, the only thing I could think to say was, “I look like a potato in that picture.”
Why I Will Never Drive to Paris Again
“The only way out was to pick a side. Headlight or driver’s door?
I chose the door.”
I Didn’t Know You Could Get Moles in Your Yard in France
Four fresh molehills lined up like runway lights. Viggo was already there. Sniffing, tail wagging, eyes wild with purpose.
Our First French Electric Bill Was €650
Our kitchen sat at a toasty 58 degrees, the bedroom never crept above 63, and then the electric bill arrived: €650 for two heaters.
We Bought a House in France. Half of It Is a Cave.
The kitchen and family room aren’t “cave-themed.” They are caves. Solid white stone walls that once held up wine presses, now holding up my cookware and a Wi-Fi mesh network.
Our French Contractor Disappeared for Six Months. Then He Said, “We’ll Start in Two Hours.”
Three minutes later, Denise hollered, “Paul, can you come here?” The contractor was still smiling. Denise had that face like she was trying to decide between laughing and strangling someone.
How to Rent a Moving Van in France
“Vous l’avez lavé?”
Did I wash it?
Wash it?
Like… with water?
A €1 Baguette Broke My $30,000 Dental Implants
Honestly? A chipped front tooth looked better than a Bond villain cosplay.