You Think You’ve Seen Tomatoes. You Haven’t.
In France, even tomatoes come with tasting notes — and yes, you will be judged for using the wrong one.
They Stock the Toppings, But Not the Food
In France, you can buy hot sauce everywhere. What you can’t buy is a taco that makes sense.
The French Love Affair with Kitsch
When the French go kitsch, they don’t dabble. They commit.
A Wet Test of Character
Showering in France isn’t about staying dry. It’s about acceptance.
Why Does Every French Form Need a Utility Bill?
In France, you can have a lease, a phone bill, and a letter from the tax office — and still not exist. But one recent electricity bill? That’s what proves you’re real.
French Cuisine… From a Vending Machine?
It’s French fast food — which means the crust probably has opinions, the cheese has lineage, and somewhere, somehow, this all still makes sense.
They Will Literally Put a Tow Hitch on Anything
In France, even cars the size of carry-on luggage seem to come equipped with tow hitches — and a surprising amount of confidence.
The Great Check Deposit Adventure
I handed over the check. He put it in a box. That was it. I guess I’d made a deposit.
A TALE OF BAGUETTES, BUREAUCRACY, AND BROKEN DINNER DREAMS
You don’t make the schedule in France. You just revise dinner plans and pretend this was the plan all along.
Dogs Are Assigned a Letter Like It’s the Draft
In France, dogs are named by letter. It’s not a law. But it is absolutely a thing.